big bang theory words

Leonard: Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Leonard: Interesting.

Sheldon: Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.

Leonard: Then I guess congratulations are in order.

You know, I’m not going to enjoy this party.

Sheldon: At the last department party, Dr Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.

Sheldon: At the last department party, Dr Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.

Leonard: Well then we’ll avoid Finkleday, we’ll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.

Sheldon: Do you know there are only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language.

Sheldon, Raj and Leonard are at the buffet table.

Sheldon, Raj and Leonard are at the buffet table.

Sheldon: Well here’s an interesting turn of events.

(Sees Howard entering with a statuesque blonde) Howard brought a date?

(Sees Howard entering with a statuesque blonde) Howard brought a date?

Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

May I introduce my special lady friend, Summer.

Howard: Right.

Leonard (to Sheldon): Here comes our new boss, be polite.

Sheldon: An actual real scientist.

Sheldon: An actual real scientist.

Leonard: Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.

Leonard: Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.

Leonard: Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.

Sheldon: In my defence, I prefaced that by saying “with all due respect.”

Sheldon: In my defence, I prefaced that by saying “with all due respect.”

Credit sequence.

Sheldon: I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste.

Sheldon: I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste.

Sheldon: I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste.

Sheldon: I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste.

I’ve spent the last three and a half years staring at greaseboards full of equations.

I’ve spent the last three and a half years staring at greaseboards full of equations.

Before that I spent four years working on my thesis.

Before that I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.

Before that I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.

This is my first day off in decades, and I’m going to savour it.

Takes a photograph of them.

I’m running out to the market, do you guys need anything?

Sheldon: Oh, well this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.

Sheldon: Oh, well this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.

Four dozen should suffice.

Sheldon: Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra-large and jumbo.

Sheldon: Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra-large and jumbo.

Sheldon: I’m taking a sabbatical, because I won’t kow-tow to mediocre minds.

Sheldon: I’m taking a sabbatical, because I won’t kow-tow to mediocre minds.

Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get canned.

Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get canned.

Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved.

Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved.

Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved.

Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved.

Let me do the math for you, this car weighs let’s say 4,000lb, now add say 140 for me, 120 for you.

Sheldon: Oh, I’m sorry, did I insult you?

Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?

Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?

Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let’s say, 4,400lb.

Now let’s assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we’ll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and… oh look, they built a new put-put course.

Now let’s assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we’ll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and… oh look, they built a new put-put course.

Now let’s assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we’ll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and… oh look, they built a new put-put course.

Now let’s assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we’ll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and… oh look, they built a new put-put course.

Look at me, out in the real world of ordinary people, just living their ordinary, colourless, workaday lives.

Sheldon: Uh, yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.

Sheldon: Uh, yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.

Penny: Oh, okay, well maybe you should start heading on out then.

Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

Sheldon (as Penny selects vitamin supplements): Oh boy.

Sheldon (as Penny selects vitamin supplements): Oh boy.

Sheldon (as Penny selects vitamin supplements): Oh boy.

Sheldon: Well, there’s some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you’re buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

Sheldon: Well, there’s some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you’re buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

Sheldon: Well, there’s some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you’re buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

Sheldon: Well, there’s some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you’re buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.

Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.

Penny: Oh, I don’t know Sheldon, it’s going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.

There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.

There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.

For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month’s supply at a time.

For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month’s supply at a time.

For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month’s supply at a time.

For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month’s supply at a time.

Sheldon: Well think about it, it’s a product that doesn’t spoil, and you’re going to be needing them for at least the next thirty years.

Sheldon: Well think about it, it’s a product that doesn’t spoil, and you’re going to be needing them for at least the next thirty years.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we’re talking about statistically significant savings.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we’re talking about statistically significant savings.

Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28 day cycle, are you fairly regular?

Scene: The apartment, Sheldon has several bowls containing goldfish.

Scene: The apartment, Sheldon has several bowls containing goldfish.

Leonard (entering): Hey, I just ran into Penny, she seemed upset about something.

I marked the calendar for future reference.

I marked the calendar for future reference.

I marked the calendar for future reference.

Leonard: What happened to your scrambled egg research?

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights.

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights.

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights.

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights.

I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company.

I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company.

Oh, glow in the dark tampons!

Leonard: I didn’t know what else to do, he’s lost all focus, every day he’s got a new obsession.

Leonard: I didn’t know what else to do, he’s lost all focus, every day he’s got a new obsession.

Sheldon is weaving on a loom.

This is a particularly disturbing one.

This is a particularly disturbing one.

Leonard: Because one of the great minds of the twenty-first century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving sarapes.

Leonard: Because one of the great minds of the twenty-first century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving sarapes.

Mrs Cooper: Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you.

Sheldon: Yes, well I’m not a child, I’m a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit.

And I certainly don’t need someone telling on me to my mother.

Sheldon: To my room, and no-one’s allowed in.

Mrs Cooper: He gets his temper from his daddy.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, Leonard, don’t trouble yourself, he’s stubborn.

He may stay in there ‘til the Rapture.

Mrs Cooper: I’ll tell ya, I love the boy to death, but he has been difficult since he fell out of me at the K-Mart.

Howard: Excuse me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smouldering good looks.

Howard: Excuse me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smouldering good looks.

His father, God rest his soul, used to say to me, Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon.

Leonard: Sounds like a wise man.

Penny: Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials.

Anyway, when he went on the internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down real gentle and told him it’s against the law to have yellow cake uranium in a shed.

Mrs Cooper: Did I pluck a nerve there?

(Everybody begins to do so) Oh Lord, we thank you for this meal, all your bounty, and we pray that you help Sheldon get back on his rocker.

(To Raj and Howard) Now after a moment of silent meditation I’m going to end with “In Jesus’ Name” but you two don’t feel any obligation to join in.

(To Raj and Howard) Now after a moment of silent meditation I’m going to end with “In Jesus’ Name” but you two don’t feel any obligation to join in.

Unless, of course, the holy spirit moves you.

Time shift

Penny: Oh my God, this is the best cobbler I’ve ever had.

Sheldon emerges from the bedroom area.

Sheldon emerges from the bedroom area.

Leonard: This is ridiculous.

He is building a model of some kind of double helix.

Mrs Cooper (entering): Good morning, snicker-doodle.

Mrs Cooper: Oh, well that looks awful fancy, what is that?

Sheldon: It’s my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon based life form.

Mrs Cooper: But intelligently designed by a creator, right?

Mrs Cooper: But intelligently designed by a creator, right?

Mrs Cooper: You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long before you got to throw a stick of dynamite in the water?

Mrs Cooper: Because you’re going to go down to your office, you’re going to apologise to your boss, and get your job back.

Sheldon: No. Mrs Cooper: I’m sorry, did I start that sentence with the words “if it please your highness?”

Mrs Cooper: Problem solved.

That’s impressive.

Mrs Cooper: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

Gablehouser: Well, actually….

Sheldon: Um, as you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, when I called you an idiot.

Sheldon: Um, as you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, when I called you an idiot.

Gablehouser: Now that’s impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager.

Gablehouser (indicating chair): Please.

It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.

It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.

It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.

Leonard: That narrows it down.

Mrs Cooper: I’m very proud of you honey, you showed a lot of courage today.