Ben and Me: Chapters 4–5

Our life together went along smoothly, and would have continued to do so had Ben not insisted on indulging in what I consider a dangerous, unsanitary and barbarous custom.

One unusually warm day, when we had come to a secluded spot on the banks of the Schuylkill, Ben suddenly stripped off all his clothing, donned a silly-looking striped garment which he called “bathing trunks,” and plunged into the water.

One unusually warm day, when we had come to a secluded spot on the banks of the Schuylkill, Ben suddenly stripped off all his clothing, donned a silly-looking striped garment which he called “bathing trunks,” and plunged into the water.

While he disported in a most ridiculous fashion, snorting and floundering about, I, in the cap, was left perched on his heap of clothing, the prey to any wandering cat, dog, hawk or snake that chanced to come along.

While he disported in a most ridiculous fashion, snorting and floundering about, I, in the cap, was left perched on his heap of clothing, the prey to any wandering cat, dog, hawk or snake that chanced to come along.

Along the bank came trotting a half-grown mongrel dog, seeking mischief, as is the usual habit of such brutes.

The cur, spying Ben, rushed to the bank, barking furiously.

Apparently, this was just the sort of frolic the dog had been seeking, so for a full quarter-hour he had a jolly romp with Ben.

Apparently, this was just the sort of frolic the dog had been seeking, so for a full quarter-hour he had a jolly romp with Ben.

Poor Ben coaxed, pleaded and threatened, but to no avail.

Had I not been in such a temper, his ridiculous antics would have been most amusing.

At length, tiring of the game, the mongrel picked up the cap and trotted off up the riverbank, hotly pursued by Ben—who dashed through thickets and over rocks, with utter disregard of his ill-clad person.

Scarce had they disappeared around a curve in the riverbank when two country yokels appeared on the scene.

Far up the river I could still hear occasional sounds of barking. These finally culminated in a terrific outburst of yelps and howls.

I was wakened by the footfalls of an approaching figure which I took to be Ben, but few could have recognized in that ludicrous and bedraggled apparition the famous Dr. Franklin!

I was wakened by the footfalls of an approaching figure which I took to be Ben, but few could have recognized in that ludicrous and bedraggled apparition the famous Dr. Franklin!

I was wakened by the footfalls of an approaching figure which I took to be Ben, but few could have recognized in that ludicrous and bedraggled apparition the famous Dr. Franklin!

His wet hair, which hung in long disordered wisps, was surmounted by the fur cap, worn at a drunkenly rakish angle.

His wet hair, which hung in long disordered wisps, was surmounted by the fur cap, worn at a drunkenly rakish angle.

His wet hair, which hung in long disordered wisps, was surmounted by the fur cap, worn at a drunkenly rakish angle.

I was about to relieve his anxiety when my attention was caught by the approach of a great crowd of people from the direction of Philadelphia. Among them I could discern the Governor, the Mayor and many other prominent citizens, as well as Ben’s First Volunteer Fire Brigade.

I was about to relieve his anxiety when my attention was caught by the approach of a great crowd of people from the direction of Philadelphia. Among them I could discern the Governor, the Mayor and many other prominent citizens, as well as Ben’s First Volunteer Fire Brigade.

He was surrounded by a milling throng all bent on shaking his hand and congratulating him. Various articles of clothing were loaned and he was soon decently garbed.

He was surrounded by a milling throng all bent on shaking his hand and congratulating him. Various articles of clothing were loaned and he was soon decently garbed.

Through it all, however, Ben preserved an appearance of the utmost despondency.

“Permit me, Dr. Franklin,” he said, most courteous. “Pray do me the honor to wear this. Your present headgear appears—er—slightly disheveled.”

He felt differently about it though—said it was the foundation of his fortune, THE DISSEMINATION OF KNOWLEDGE was MAN’S HIGHEST CALLING, and so on.

“Perhaps if I lived by the maxim I should also be—wise,” he suggested, meekly.

The first thing to catch my eye was that odious CAT IN GLOVES maxim which Ben, of course, had forgotten to delete.

So wherever the name occurred, I removed it and substituted AMOS. This was not vanity on my part, but merely a desire for honesty, for there really was an AMOS. Besides, it was the only name I could spell.

The crowd agreed with jeers, catcalls and more vegetables.

The crowd agreed with jeers, catcalls and more vegetables.

“If you will but look with care at this scurrilous counterfeit of MY Almanack, you will find nowhere in it the name Poor Richard, but only that of one Amos, no doubt a contemptible, ignorant and inaccurate fellow...."

“If you will but look with care at this scurrilous counterfeit of MY Almanack, you will find nowhere in it the name Poor Richard, but only that of one Amos, no doubt a contemptible, ignorant and inaccurate fellow...."

“No, my friends, this is but a foul hoax, perpetrated by an envious rival who hopes to thus discredit the true Poor Richard’s Almanack. Hereafter, always insist on the genuine and accept no substitutes.”