shower with love; show excessive affection for
The kissing stops, and the
marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness
Sam is rather
smitten, and he surrounds Margaret with the sweet quicksand of his love.
When I pictured this conversation in my head, I could imagine it going in two ways: revelation or
marked by or given to doubt
skeptical. “But couldn’t you just tell someone else to come here?”
take place or happen afterward or as a result
A wrestling match
hang over, as of something threatening, dark, or menacing
I have to
loom large over a freshman for about two minutes before he freaks out enough to give me his space.
be bossy towards
Mrs. French, the bio teacher, is
hectoring a kid who hasn’t done his homework.
resembling a beast; showing lack of human sensibility
It’s crowded, and I have to look
brutish in order to keep the other chair at my table unoccupied.
escape, either physically or mentally
I try to picture it. I try to grab hold of those details. But they’ve already
in a questioning manner
I see, over Rhiannon’s shoulder, a woman looking at us
a maneuver in a game or conversation
They thought it was a monster under the bed, or a
ploy to get a few more bedtime stories. I could never really explain, not in a way that made sense to them.
make known; pass on, of information
I don’t know how to
convey to her that it hasn’t all been sad.
I look at him
I am looking for the traces of that
oblivion, the bafflement of that waking.
a male singing voice with artificially high tones
He looks at me like I’ve just sung the question to him in
the act of deceiving or acting in bad faith
I don’t think, though, that such
duplicity would be anything but obvious on him.
seemingly contradictory but nonetheless possibly true
Paradoxically, I wish I were still in James’s body, so I could see exactly what his memories of yesterday are.
From where I sit, it appears that he recalls the places he was, but has somehow
concocted an alternate version of events, one that fits closer to his life.
of a Christian church believing in personal conversion
Word is spreading. Mostly from
evangelical Christian sites, which have bought Nathan’s devil claims wholesale.
an irrational need to perform trivial or repetitive actions
Eventually, though, I realized these inclinations, these
compulsions, were as much a part of the body as its eye color or its voice.
incapable of being perceived by the senses, especially touch
Yes, the feelings themselves were
intangible, amorphous, but the cause of the feelings was a matter of chemistry, biology.
having no definite form or distinct shape
Yes, the feelings themselves were intangible,
amorphous, but the cause of the feelings was a matter of chemistry, biology.
the mistake of misrepresenting the facts
I try to remain calm, but the body conspires against that, tries to drown me in
make apparent by one's mood or behavior
Even when we’re moving, he doesn’t stop
proceed or issue forth, as from a source
But I let her talk, let her voice counter the unspoken, insistent ones that
emanate from my broken mind.
a calm, lengthy, intent consideration
It’s not a journal in the traditional sense. That becomes apparent after a page or two. There are no
musings about boys or girls.
characterized by orderliness
All of them
methodically researched. Examples given.
the time when something ends
Self-portraits of her own
gather, as of natural products
I turn on her computer and everything I need to know is there in her history—the sites where these plans come from, where this information can be
a very steep cliff
It’s one thing to acknowledge it theoretically, and quite another thing to have a thin, shaky girl standing on the other side of the
go beyond the scope or limits of
I am not kissing her because I want to, and I am not kissing her because I need to—I am kissing her for a reason that
transcends want and need, that feels elemental to our existence, a molecular component on which our universe will be built.
amounting to a large indefinite number
The articles and posts in the comments sections are
legion—all from people who see the devil’s work in everything.
a name that has been assumed temporarily
And once again I think about how people use the devil as an
alias for the things they fear.
relating to the investigation of existence and knowledge
Philosophically, I am with him.
a systematic plan for therapy
I’m sure there’s a complete morning
regimen that I’m supposed to undergo before heading into the day.
yield to another's wish or opinion
Even her brother
defers to her in a way I bet he wouldn’t if she were normal-looking.
a temporary condition of torment or suffering
“Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we’ve eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you’re a carnivore and you add up all the animals you’ve eaten—well, that’s a long time in
purgatory, being chewed.”
endowed with feeling and unstructured consciousness
“No. I’m just sick of the question. I mean, I’m vegetarian because I think it’s wrong to eat other
sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment.”
a person who does not eat any animal products
I once made a
vegan really, really sick at a McDonald’s.
wishing or appearing to wish evil to others
She learns the reason I now have to access information about allergies before eating anything (after having been nearly killed by a strawberry when I was nine), and I learn the origin of her fear of bunny rabbits (a particularly
malevolent creature named Swizzle that liked to escape its cage and sleep on people’s faces).
an opening, especially a gap in a dike or fortification
So when Justin starts asking the obvious questions—how do Rhiannon and I know each other, and how come he hasn’t heard about me before—I have to jump into the
the deliberate act of deviating from the truth
fabrication is a ruminative act, whereas lying is a part of my necessary nature.
reflect deeply on a subject
For Rhiannon, fabrication is a
ruminative act, whereas lying is a part of my necessary nature.
unrestrained by convention or propriety
brazen, but careful with my brazenness.
not capable of or subject to reform or remedy
This is my chance to get him to do something
irredeemable, get her to see who he truly is.