Three Little Words: Preface–Chapter 3

by Ashley Rhodes-Courter
When her mother could not care for her, Ashley Rhodes-Courter moved between fourteen different foster homes over nine years. In this memoir, she retraces her heartbreaking journey.

Here are links to our lists for the memoir: Preface–Chapter 3, Chapters 4–6, Chapters 7–9, Chapter 10–Epilogue
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Full list of words from this list:

words only definitions & notes
  1. soothing
    freeing from fear and anxiety
    Soon! How often I heard that word. It was soft, soothing. “Soon, I’ll be back,” she promised. “I’ll bring more presents, soon. We’ll go home—soon.”
  2. mantra
    a commonly repeated word or phrase
    Soon, soon, soon ... I would croon the word to myself like a lullaby when I would try to sleep, a mantra when nobody would listen to me, a chant to block out doubts that surfaced when it seemed too long between visits.
  3. naive
    inexperienced
    Naive and trusting, I always believed her, and in some very small way—even now—I still do.
  4. intuitive
    obtained through instinctive knowledge
    I was an intuitive two-year-old soaking up language and behaviors from a crew of rowdy adolescents who were trying on adult attitudes and habits.
  5. brawl
    a noisy fight in a crowd
    I hid under my blanket as I always did when the fighting started, hoping it would protect me from their nasty words or physical brawls.
  6. crouch
    sit on one's heels
    “I’m okay, Mama,” I said as I crouched in a corner.
  7. shuffle
    move about, move back and forth
    I was shuffled like a hand-me-down toy for the next nine years.
  8. anguish
    extreme distress of body or mind
    The first anguished hours away from my mother are clearer than the next few years.
  9. destination
    the place designated as the end, as of a race or journey
    “Here we are!” the driver said, as though I should be delighted with the destination.
  10. whimper
    cry weakly or softly
    When nobody soothed me, I started to whimper “You Are My Sunshine” until I fell asleep.
  11. prefer
    like better; value more highly
    “You’re my little pumpkin,” Mr. Hines said to make me feel special, but I knew they preferred the younger children.
  12. flail
    thrash about
    Eventually, they dragged me out flailing and crying and took me back to what they called “home.”
  13. stern
    serious and harsh in manner or behavior
    She gripped my arm, steered me in the house, and gave me a stern time-out on a stool.
  14. mimic
    imitate, especially for satirical effect
    When she mentioned that I had started wetting the bed, I went to where the others were watching TV and started to mimic what was on the screen.
  15. antic
    a playful, attention-getting act done for fun and amusement
    If my mother had been there, she would have applauded my antics; but here, I was nobody’s special Sunshine.
  16. perpetual
    uninterrupted in time and indefinitely long continuing
    Then there was my perpetual question: What had I done that was so terrible that I had to be taken from my mother?
  17. ineligible
    not qualified for or allowed or worthy of being chosen
    Although she submitted applications for food stamps and aid for dependent children, the welfare officials told her that she was ineligible because her children were no longer living with her.
  18. entity
    that which is perceived to have its own distinct existence
    Our legal guardian was the executive branch of the Florida government, an entity that would rather pay strangers to care for us than offer any economic help to my mother to care for her own children.
  19. confrontation
    a hostile disagreement face-to-face
    I would purposely let my mind wander to take me far away from the current confrontation.
  20. adjustment
    the process of adapting to something
    My teacher called Mrs. Ortiz and asked her to come in because she had concerns about my adjustment.
  21. paraphernalia
    equipment consisting of miscellaneous articles
    Mrs. Ortiz dodged the question as best she could because she probably knew that a few weeks after I came to live with her, my mother had been charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia as well as offering to commit prostitution.
  22. squabble
    argue over petty things
    I sometimes held as still as a statue and pretended I couldn’t hear or see when my grandpa squabbled with Adele and called her mean names.
  23. reservation
    an unstated doubt that prevents you from accepting something
    The state authorities had only approved the transfer “with reservations” because Grandpa had never provided a stable home for his own children.
  24. tumultuous
    characterized by unrest or disorder or insubordination
    He had had a tumultuous childhood and quit school in the seventh grade.
  25. intoxicated
    stupefied or excited by a chemical substance
    My grandpa had been in and out of jail for crimes he committed while intoxicated, and my grandmother had divorced him because he abused her.
  26. concern
    an anxious feeling
    “You know I had concerns about this placement,” Ms. Willis replied, “but I always say that it’s best for children to be with their family, so I am delighted at how well everything is going.”
  27. stability
    the quality or attribute of being firm and steadfast
    “You know I was worried about your stability,” she chided him, “but I hoped that Adele’s strengths would compensate for your shortcomings.”
  28. incident
    a single distinct event
    “Personally, I don’t think the children are at risk based on this single incident, but my supervisor is probably not going to want to accept further responsibility.”
  29. commotion
    a disorderly outburst or tumult
    All the commotion caused Adele to cancel my fifth birthday party.
  30. authority
    persons who exercise control over others
    There were many phone calls about our placement, and Adele pleaded with the authorities not to move us before the holidays.
  31. unfit
    not in good physical or mental condition; out of condition
    Adele bailed him out, and in his attempt to deflect the heat from himself, he told the police that Adele’s heart condition made her unfit to care for us.
  32. basis
    a relation that provides the foundation for something
    “If you gave them up, then you are no longer Lorraine’s legal father,” the worker responded. “That means you have no legal basis to have your grandchildren.”
  33. kin
    a person related to another or others
    “The children were placed with a relative, and you’re no kin to them.”
  34. relinquish
    part with a possession or right
    “We will not relinquish the children without a court order.”
  35. neglect
    fail to do something; leave something undone
    What she did not know—and I discovered many years later—was that someone in Florida had neglected to get the court’s permission for us to live with our relatives in the first place.
  36. grasp
    understand the meaning of something
    “Her level of verbal expression and her ability to grasp her total situation are way above her age level.”
  37. upheaval
    a state of violent disturbance and disorder
    She then whispered something I could not quite hear about showing signs of being disturbed by all the upheavals in my life.
  38. evoke
    call forth, as an emotion, feeling, or response
    Despite the fact that this interval was doomed not to last, we are always smiling in the pictures and they evoke only warm feelings in me.
  39. foster
    raise in place of a child's biological parents
    “If you got a foster parent license, they could stay with you.”
  40. custody
    guardianship over
    “It would be better for all of us if this was permanent. How can we get custody?”
Created on Wed Apr 06 13:05:37 EDT 2016 (updated Thu Sep 20 15:06:03 EDT 2018)

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