Three Little Words: Chapter 10–Epilogue

by Ashley Rhodes-Courter
When her mother could not care for her, Ashley Rhodes-Courter moved between fourteen different foster homes over nine years. In this memoir, she retraces her heartbreaking journey.

Here are links to our lists for the memoir: Preface–Chapter 3, Chapters 4–6, Chapters 7–9, Chapter 10–Epilogue
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Full list of words from this list:

words only definitions & notes
  1. resist
    express opposition through action or words
    I knew Gay was trying to please me, but for some reason, I resisted every attempt she made.
  2. manipulation
    exerting shrewd or devious influence for one's own advantage
    “She’s lost control of her whole life. Isn’t it good that she has some now?”
    “There’s a difference between self-control and manipulation,” Gay snarled, and stomped upstairs to her office.
  3. perky
    characterized by liveliness and lightheartedness
    I did not want to sound like a perky Annie thanking them for rescuing me from the orphanage.
  4. misconduct
    activity that transgresses moral or civil law
    Maybe she was making a misconduct list so she could justify sending me back.
  5. penetrate
    pass into or through, often by overcoming resistance
    “I am not Mrs. Moss. I am not the ten others who sent you away for one reason or another.” I tried to block her voice by humming inside my head, but her words penetrated anyway. “I am the mother who will be here for the rest of my life.”
  6. acknowledge
    express obligation, thanks, or gratitude for
    “When you were in foster care, you received presents from donors, so it didn’t matter who they were from. But now someone who cares about you selected each one of these gifts. All we want to know is which present came from which person so they can be acknowledged.”
  7. tragedy
    an event resulting in great loss and misfortune
    “You are our chosen child, our only daughter. We missed so much of your life, and we cannot erase some of the tragedies.”
  8. incite
    provoke or stir up
    I had found all sorts of ways to incite a quarrel between Phil and Gay, which gave me a perverse satisfaction—until Phil lost his usual cool and stormed out to his workshop.
  9. origin
    the source of something's existence or from which it derives
    We were the boomerang kids. No matter how far we were thrown, we ended up back at our place of origin.
  10. resilient
    recovering readily from adversity, depression, or the like
    If you were not made of resilient material, you would not have come this far.
  11. abandon
    leave someone who needs or counts on you; leave in the lurch
    My mother swore that she loved me, and she abandoned me in the end. Adele, Aunt Leanne, even some of my foster moms had used the L word, then disappeared.
  12. consent
    permission to do something
    Because I was twelve, I had to sign consent to the adoption and select my name.
  13. nurture
    provide with nourishment
    “I love feeding my family, yet you resist my nurturing because all those other mothers—especially your birth mother—failed to care for you. I cannot force you to accept my love through food, kisses, or any of the ways I know.”
  14. gratitude
    a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation
    You’ve gone to great lengths to please little o’ me
    You really cared, and that I now see,
    Words cannot express my deep gratitude.
  15. farce
    a comedy characterized by broad satire
    It was only a matter of time before this happy-family farce would be over.
  16. mutter
    talk indistinctly; usually in a low voice
    I muttered, “I guess so.” Three little words and it was done.
  17. integrate
    make into a whole or make part of a whole
    The therapist told Gay that it was important for me to have integrated more of the Courter family’s values before I identified with my mother again; and my guardian, who had dealt with my mother for several years, distrusted her.
  18. tension
    a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense
    Every time a letter arrives, Ashley is off-kilter for a few days. Her mother has been writing for less than two months, and look what tension it has caused.
  19. jealous
    painfully desirous of another's advantages
    “What’s wrong with trying to do well in school and sports? What’s wrong with having a nice lifestyle? I can’t believe that she sounded”—I hunted for the right word—“jealous of her own daughter!”
  20. secure
    free from fear or doubt; easy in mind
    Look, Ashley, you need to make peace with what happened with your mother before you can feel secure with anyone else.
  21. fume
    be mad, angry, or furious
    She was fuming, but I was certain that she wasn’t going to hurt me or ... I swallowed hard at the next thought: She wasn’t going to ditch me, either.
  22. compassion
    a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering
    I managed to focus on her expression and saw compassion, not resentment.
  23. allegation
    a formal accusation against somebody
    I read the caption next to their photos in the Tampa Tribune and shouted, “I knew they would try to blame the kids! It says: ‘The attorney for the couple accused of child abuse says the teenage children are making up the allegations.’”
  24. ire
    anger; irritability
    My long-suppressed simmering ire erupted into a full boil.
  25. corroboration
    confirmation that some fact or statement is true
    “I need to do something to help those kids. If I tell the police what happened, it will be cooperation.”
    “You mean ‘corroboration,’ cutie-pie,” Phil said with an uneasy chuckle.
  26. exaggerate
    enlarge beyond bounds or the truth
    Just in case Gay or Phil ever thought I had been exaggerating, I pointed out that the other children’s comments were nauseatingly familiar.
  27. testify
    give a solemn statement in a court of law
    For instance, I had testified: “I was sleeping on a top bunk and I can recall a couple of occasions when I was taken by my hair and just thrown on the floor.”
  28. substantiate
    establish or strengthen as with new evidence or facts
    Apparently, it’s public record, and it substantiates what you described.
  29. tolerate
    put up with something or somebody unpleasant
    She was always trying to please me—sometimes too hard—but her intentions were kind, and only someone who loved me would have tolerated how mean I had been to her in both little and large ways.
  30. resolve
    reach a decision
    I was harder on myself than they were, and I resolved to prove their faith was justified.
  31. reform
    a change for the better as a result of correcting abuses
    Since many of the guests had legislative power to make reforms, I suggested that they find a foster child who needed a permanent home and help make it happen in less than six months.
  32. accountable
    responsible for one's actions
    Then I concluded with a quote from Moliere: “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.”
  33. contradict
    prove negative; show to be false
    The reporter quoted me, too: “Kids are always taught there are going to be consequences for what they do, but this case is completely contradicting to that because they are getting a slap on the wrist.”
  34. sufficient
    of a quantity that can fulfill a need or requirement
    Gay told me, “The ruling says that Florida’s laws ‘provide sufficient protection’ for children in state care.”
    “When did I ever have ‘sufficient protection’?”
  35. incompetent
    not qualified or suited for a purpose
    In addition, I cannot help but hold a grudge against those in authority who were incompetent, negligent, or looked the other way when the system’s foster parents were harming us.
  36. suppressed
    kept from public knowledge by various means
    I think that one of the reasons people have been so interested in having me speak and write about my story is because most children’s voices are suppressed or ignored.
  37. assume
    take to be the case or to be true
    "Everyone will assume the words are 'I love you'--but what I actually felt and said that day was far from that."
  38. impact
    a forceful consequence; a strong effect
    I never thought three little words would have such an impact on my life, even though they weren't the words I was supposed to say.
  39. convoluted
    highly complex or intricate
    I knew there was much more I had to find out before I could write my story, and that journey has helped make sense of my convoluted past.
  40. promote
    contribute to the progress or growth of
    My dream of becoming a motivational speaker to promote better foster care and more adoptions of older children has been realized.
Created on Wed Apr 06 14:05:00 EDT 2016 (updated Thu Sep 20 15:08:08 EDT 2018)

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