Much Ado About Nothing: Act 2

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an old cuckold with horns on his head, and say “Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you maids.”

Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?

Adam’s sons are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

If the Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

PRINCE: My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.
HERO: Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him.

He is enamored on Hero. I pray you dissuade him from her. She is no equal for his birth.

He is enamored on Hero. I pray you dissuade him from her. She is no equal for his birth.

Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell bullocks.

But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so reputed!

I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren.

The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed with finding a bird's nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.

She speaks poniards, and every word stabs.

I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed.

I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy if I could say how much.

Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.

I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

I will in the interim undertake one of Hercules’ labors, which is to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th’ one with th’ other. I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall give you direction.

Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med’cinable to me. I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage?

Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty shall appear in me.

Go you to the Prince your brother; spare not to tell him that he hath wronged his honor in marrying the renowned Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold up, to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero, and kill Leonato.

Tell them that you know that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the Prince and Claudio, as in love of your brother’s honor, who hath made this match, and his friend’s reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the semblance of a maid, that you have discovered thus.

Offer them instances, which shall bear no less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me call Margaret “Hero,” hear Margaret term me “Claudio,” and bring them to see this the very night before the intended wedding, for in the meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be absent, and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero’s disloyalty that jealousy shall be called assurance and all the preparation overthrown.

Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a thousand ducats.

Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a thousand ducats.

I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife, and now had he rather hear the tabor and the pipe; I have known when he would have walked ten mile afoot to see a good armor, and now will he lie ten nights awake carving the fashion of a new doublet.

He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier, and now is he turned orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes.

One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace.

Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!
Note notes, forsooth, and nothing. [Music plays.]

Now, divine air! Now is his soul ravished.

Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey, nonny nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no mo,
Of dumps so dull and heavy.
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.

There was never counterfeit of passion came so near the life of passion as she discovers it.

I should think this a gull but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it.

PRINCE: It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it.
CLAUDIO: To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse.
PRINCE: An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She’s an excellent sweet lady, and, out of all suspicion, she is virtuous.

Hero thinks surely she will die, for she says she will die if he love her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, and she will die if he woo her rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crossness.

I must not seem proud. Happy are they that hear their detractions and can put them to mending.