Unit 2: Pivotal Words and Phrases: "Lottery" by Rasma Haidri (full text)

1 William Wordsworth's famous definition of poetry as the "sponta­neous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility" appears at first to argue against revision.

1 William Wordsworth's famous definition of poetry as the "sponta­neous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility" appears at first to argue against revision.

1 William Wordsworth's famous definition of poetry as the "sponta­neous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility" appears at first to argue against revision.

Something in the word spontaneous seems antithetical to revision, or so I thought when I first learned about Wordsworth back in college.

Something in the word spontaneous seems antithetical to revision, or so I thought when I first learned about Wordsworth back in college.

At that time, I imagined he meant he lounged dreamily on a divan until, with a gold nib quill, he set about drafting the lines of a poem.

At that time, I imagined he meant he lounged dreamily on a divan until, with a gold nib quill, he set about drafting the lines of a poem.

3 The incident that spurred my poem was a time I took my mother gro­cery shopping, and she unexpectedly asked me to help her buy a lottery ticket.

Now, I could have gone home and told my spouse about what happened and how it made me feel, but this retelling wouldn't have been a poem.

Any word I might insert into the phrase "It made me feel _____" is going to be theoretical, as if we are talking about the emotion.In poetry, we need to recollect the emotion itself.

Any word I might insert into the phrase "It made me feel _____" is going to be theoretical, as if we are talking about the emotion.In poetry, we need to recollect the emotion itself.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

5 Sometimes beginning writers feel that to take a poem through many drafts is to apply some sort of censorship to it, to tame its spirited individ­uality and make it conform.They resist revision because they fear editing away the poem's essence.Experience has taught me that revision can be the very means by which I recollect in tranquility.

I found the experience disquieting and wrote about it afterwards in my jour­nal.

I didn't think about this as I scribbled hurriedly in my journal, but intuitively I must have known it, which is why it's the first thing I wrote.

The line remains intact in all the revisions, and by the final version is positioned as a hinge that widens the poem's perspective, essentially dividing it in two parts: what happened and what I felt about what happened.

The line remains intact in all the revisions, and by the final version is positioned as a hinge that widens the poem's perspective, essentially dividing it in two parts: what happened and what I felt about what happened.

8 The point of view of the journal entry switches between speaking to the mother using the second-person pronoun (you) to speaking about her in the third person (she).

8 The point of view of the journal entry switches between speaking to the mother using the second-person pronoun (you) to speaking about her in the third person (she).

Here already the emerging poem hints at the need to try out different wordings before it settles on a final perspective and an­swers the core questions that must be asked about all poems.

9 The journal entry strives for verisimilitude in its use of descriptive de­tails such as swaying, weaving, rummaging, digging; the color of the card­board and wallet; the almost slow motion observation of the contents of the purse flowing out.

9 The journal entry strives for verisimilitude in its use of descriptive de­tails such as swaying, weaving, rummaging, digging; the color of the card­board and wallet; the almost slow motion observation of the contents of the purse flowing out.

9 The journal entry strives for verisimilitude in its use of descriptive de­tails such as swaying, weaving, rummaging, digging; the color of the card­board and wallet; the almost slow motion observation of the contents of the purse flowing out.

I'm all for authentic de­scription and concrete sensory detail.

I'm all for authentic de­scription and concrete sensory detail.

I'm all for authentic de­scription and concrete sensory detail.

They typically lend credibility and vi­tality to a poem, and steer one away from the pitfall of abstractions.

They typically lend credibility and vi­tality to a poem, and steer one away from the pitfall of abstractions.

However, the journal entry shows the tedium of excessive details that don't know why they are there.

However, the journal entry shows the tedium of excessive details that don't know why they are there.

We can say these details are not "organic" to the poem, meaning they are not a natural expression of the poem's bigger idea.

At this journal stage of writing, I didn't know the poem's bigger idea.In fact, I had only the vaguest inkling of why I was compelled to write about the event at all.

At this journal stage of writing, I didn't know the poem's bigger idea.In fact, I had only the vaguest inkling of why I was compelled to write about the event at all.

I am glad that I work through my drafts like this with a pencil instead of obliterating text on a word processor, because inevitably my revision of the first draft overcompensates.

I am glad that I work through my drafts like this with a pencil instead of obliterating text on a word processor, because inevitably my revision of the first draft overcompensates.

For example, isn't the line break at "half a mil­lion / a year for life" much better than the more pedestrian "... million a year / for life"?

Bought a computer generated one for me -- only lingering slightly over your numbers.

Trying to register their significance -- and not seeing any immediately didn’t dare intrude into their origin -- ask on what you are basing your luck.

If you know how they decided how many years to divide $111 million by to make this man rich for the rest of his life, or what (I don’t want to ask) you would do with the money -- buy back your teeth, your eyesight, your light strong bones and lean flesh.

In some ways, I am only making the poem more wordy, such as adding "though" (an abstract word and therefore best avoided) in the first line of the fourth stanza.

In the second stanza, "the eve of my trip" is meant to supplant the en­tire first two and a half lines."That week" instead of "while I was gone" is an attempt at succinctness.

In the second stanza, "the eve of my trip" is meant to supplant the en­tire first two and a half lines."That week" instead of "while I was gone" is an attempt at succinctness.

A more significant change is that I have removed my own lottery ticket from the narrative.In the poem's penultimate line "for us to claim our winnings" gives way to "just waiting / for you," which brings the poem's focus more onto the "you" who is my mother.

The indefinite article ("a") makes the celebration generic, belonging to anyone, and limits it to a celebration of the winnings referred to in the preceding line.

13 Two other alterations in Draft 1 significantly aid the poem's evolution.

13 Two other alterations in Draft 1 significantly aid the poem's evolution.

First of all, with the parentheses around the first stanza and arrow point­ing down I am aware of the need to move the section starting with "That's six and a half million ..." to its pivotal position farther on in the poem.

They had been in my subconscious all along, subliminally feeding the pathos I felt for my mother during this whole lottery ticket episode.

They had been in my subconscious all along, subliminally feeding the pathos I felt for my mother during this whole lottery ticket episode.

They had been in my subconscious all along, subliminally feeding the pathos I felt for my mother during this whole lottery ticket episode.

The subsequent drafts of "Lottery" each achieve a significant alter­ation, as well as word substitutions and line breaks.

"Big expectations of Big money" is an overt statement of the theme implicit in the lines I had chosen to add.

"Big expectations of Big money" is an overt statement of the theme implicit in the lines I had chosen to add.

18 One of my changes in Draft 2 is of paramount importance, and re­mained unaltered through the remaining drafts: switching from the sec­ond- to third-person pronoun.

Because it is not watered down by superfluous infor­mation.

We sometimes refer to lines like this as scaffolding.

From this we get the well-known adage: Kill your babies.

This distancing of the mother works to draw the reader in because the poem's first-person narrator is now confiding her observations in the reader.

This distancing of the mother works to draw the reader in because the poem's first-person narrator is now confiding her observations in the reader.

Now the "I" is telling the reader about the mother, al­lowing the reader to share observations and know thoughts the mother is not privy to.

The first stanza remains in past tense, and I still can't decide on the indefinite or demonstrative pronoun for the celebration in the last line.

I return to the idea of selling the fireflies to science.I spot prosaic language in the fifth stanza and realize that "linger­ing over her numbers trying to register their significance" is depicted more clearly if I don't actually say it.

Two other very significant changes are made, ones that shake the poem fully loose of its scaffolding: I put the poem into present tense and cut the last two lines.The switch to present tense, tried out methodically from verb to verb, releases the poem from its anchor in the past.

This immediacy brings the reader even closer to the nar­rator's shoulder, right into the moment itself.The speaker is no longer re­lating something that once happened but delivering a blow-by-blow account of the poignant event as it unfolds.

Often when a word or line is a source of recurring doubt and consternation, it is really identifying itself as part of the scaf­folding.Take these lines away, and lo and behold, the poem has found its true ending.

Note the emphatically solid period I drew at the end.

This shock had me still reverberating in some zone of incredulity and disbelief when three days later, along with the very first sympathy cards to arrive in my mailbox, were proofs from Prairie Schooner for my poem "Books" and the poem "Lot­tery."

This shock had me still reverberating in some zone of incredulity and disbelief when three days later, along with the very first sympathy cards to arrive in my mailbox, were proofs from Prairie Schooner for my poem "Books" and the poem "Lot­tery."

I stared dumbfounded at the papers in my hand, and when I had recovered somewhat went searching for the magazine contract.

I had spent nearly five years with that poem, revisiting it, trying to get it to breathe and speak My work in revising the poem was to remove verbiage and supply the words and grammar it asked for.In other words, I worked to get to know it.

For the longest time, I thought I knew that "Lottery" was about despair.