Mr. Lemoncello's Library Olympics: Chapters 1–7

Akimi, Sierra, Miguel, and the perpetually perky Haley Daley sat on a circular couch and played the guessers. Kyle stood in front of them as the clue giver.

Keeley had also needed Mr. Lemoncello’s help to win.
At the very last second, just as Charles was nearing victory, the batty billionaire disqualified him on a trumped-up technicality. Keeley and his cronies went on to win the game and the grand prize.

Keeley had also needed Mr. Lemoncello’s help to win.
At the very last second, just as Charles was nearing victory, the batty billionaire disqualified him on a trumped-up technicality. Keeley and his cronies went on to win the game and the grand prize.

For six months, Charles had been plotting his revenge on Keeley and his teammates: smart-aleck Akimi Hughes, library geek Miguel Fernandez, bookworm Sierra Russell, and most especially turncoat traitor Haley Daley, who had been on Charles’s team with Andrew Peckleman until she deserted them to join Team Kyle.

“Mr. Lemoncello robbed me,” Charles muttered miserably. “They should shut down his ludicrous library.”

The good citizens of Alexandriaville, Ohio, should not allow the demented Mr. Lemoncello to continue to control what went on inside their new public library.

When he was in third grade, his mother had made certain that the teacher who dared give Charles a B on his papier-mâché volcano was fired. And in fourth grade, she had yanked him out of Chumley Prep (and cut off their endowment) when the private school had the nerve to hire a history teacher who celebrated International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

“You’re the dude from the commercial!” at least a dozen kids said to Kyle as he strolled through the Rotunda Reading Room. He gave them each a jaunty two-finger salute. He’d seen movie stars do the same kind of salute on TV.

“You’re the dude from the commercial!” at least a dozen kids said to Kyle as he strolled through the Rotunda Reading Room. He gave them each a jaunty two-finger salute. He’d seen movie stars do the same kind of salute on TV.

“That’s okay. I’m meeting Akimi and Miguel upstairs in the Electronic Learning Center. Mr. Lemoncello just installed a new educational video game: Charlemagne’s Chivalry. I think it’s about the Knights of the Round Table.”

“Whatever. I gotta go. Need to pick out a new pair of sunglasses.” Haley dramatically waved goodbye to Kyle and all her adoring fans as she traipsed out of the Electronic Learning Center. She did that dramatically, too.

Miguel and Akimi were on the far side of the Electronic Learning Center playing Charlemagne’s Chivalry. Miguel had the stubby controller rod gripped in front of his chest, wielding it like a lightsaber.

“Why didst thou not bringeth us food?” screamed the leader of the peasant army. “Death to the selfish, unchivalrous knave!”

“Actually,” said Sierra, “I’m rereading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, because everybody keeps saying Mr. Lemoncello reminds them of Willy Wonka. But Mr. Lemoncello is much kinder.”
“And he doesn’t have Oompa-Loompas,” quipped Akimi.

“Well, my uncle gave me Mr. Lemoncello’s Phenomenal Picture Word Puzzler for Chanukah and I can’t figure out this one rebus.”
“Let me see it.”
“The category is ‘famous slogans,’” said Alexa, passing a cardboard square to Kyle. It was filled with a jumble of letters and pictograms.

“What is it?” asked Kyle as they entered the media center. “A new Dewey decimal number or something?”
“No. A whole bunch of book lovers all across America who don’t like us.”
“What?” said Akimi. “What’s not to like? We’re very likable people.”

“‘KEELEY’S TEAM ONLY WON BECAUSE THEY CHEATED!”’ she read aloud. “‘MR. LEMONCELLO IS BLATANTLY LYING TO THE WORLD ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ON THAT DREADFUL, GHASTLY, AND ABOMINABLE DAY LAST SUMMER. HE SHOULD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL.’”

“‘KEELEY’S TEAM ONLY WON BECAUSE THEY CHEATED!”’ she read aloud. “‘MR. LEMONCELLO IS BLATANTLY LYING TO THE WORLD ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ON THAT DREADFUL, GHASTLY, AND ABOMINABLE DAY LAST SUMMER. HE SHOULD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL.’”

“‘KEELEY’S TEAM ONLY WON BECAUSE THEY CHEATED!”’ she read aloud. “‘MR. LEMONCELLO IS BLATANTLY LYING TO THE WORLD ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ON THAT DREADFUL, GHASTLY, AND ABOMINABLE DAY LAST SUMMER. HE SHOULD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL.’”

“I’m looking for a good book,” said Mr. Lemoncello as his hover ladder jerked vertically, then skittered sideways.

The hover ladders were floating platforms with handrails, book baskets, and ski-boot safety locks that allowed you to float up to retrieve any book you wanted simply by entering the book’s call number into a computerized keypad. The system worked with the same magnetic levitation technology used in Germany and Japan to propel bullet trains with magnets instead of wheels.

After several patrons had complained that the hover ladders’ demand for a specific book code eliminated the ability for patrons to leisurely peruse the shelves, the imagineers at Mr. Lemoncello’s game company had come up with the new and improved hover ladders, which featured a browse button.

Once you pushed it, the hover ladder randomly flitted in front of the shelves, using advanced biofeedback technology, heart-rate monitors, and complex algorithms to figure out what sort of story you might be interested in.

“As concerned library lovers,” said the gentleman, brandishing a thick document, “we are here today to volunteer our services.”

“Might I humbly suggest, Mrs. Chiltington, that your considerable concern might be better spent on your son instead of my library? Now then, Dr. Zinchenko, I believe we have a very important matter to discuss?”
“Yes, sir.”

“Mr. Lemoncello?” trilled Mrs. Chiltington. “A public library requires public oversight—guardians who will safeguard the institution’s well-being and stability.”

Early in the second week of January, each member of Team Kyle received a thick envelope in the mail.
When they opened it, they found an engraved invitation:
SPLENDIFEROUS GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS!
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE HEREBY CHERRY CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE
ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY STUPENDOUS NEW NEWS.

Early in the second week of January, each member of Team Kyle received a thick envelope in the mail.
When they opened it, they found an engraved invitation:
SPLENDIFEROUS GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS!
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE HEREBY CHERRY CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE
ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY STUPENDOUS NEW NEWS.

The rotunda was packed. Clusters of brightly colored balloons were tethered to the green-shaded lamps on the reading desks. Hidden surround-sound speakers blasted a brassy, heroic fanfare.

The rotunda was packed. Clusters of brightly colored balloons were tethered to the green-shaded lamps on the reading desks. Hidden surround-sound speakers blasted a brassy, heroic fanfare.

All the animated action was displayed on ten wedge-shaped high-definition video screens—as luminous as any sports arena’s scoreboard. They lined the underbelly of the building’s colossal cathedral ceiling like glowing slices of pie. Each screen could showcase individual images or join with the other nine to create one spectacular presentation.

All the animated action was displayed on ten wedge-shaped high-definition video screens—as luminous as any sports arena’s scoreboard. They lined the underbelly of the building’s colossal cathedral ceiling like glowing slices of pie. Each screen could showcase individual images or join with the other nine to create one spectacular presentation.

Tucked beneath the ten Wonder Dome screens in arched niches were ten 3-D statues glowing a ghostly green. Holograms.
“They all remind me of Hercules,” said Kyle, taking in the dizzying array of muscular wrestlers, javelin throwers, discus flingers, and runners. “Except for the lady with the horse.”

Tucked beneath the ten Wonder Dome screens in arched niches were ten 3-D statues glowing a ghostly green. Holograms.
“They all remind me of Hercules,” said Kyle, taking in the dizzying array of muscular wrestlers, javelin throwers, discus flingers, and runners. “Except for the lady with the horse.”

Tucked beneath the ten Wonder Dome screens in arched niches were ten 3-D statues glowing a ghostly green. Holograms.
“They all remind me of Hercules,” said Kyle, taking in the dizzying array of muscular wrestlers, javelin throwers, discus flingers, and runners. “Except for the lady with the horse.”