Pay Attention, Carter Jones: Chapters 22–29

“You are letting the rain spatter the upholstery,” said the Butler.

“Young Master Krebs,” said the Butler, “I do not ‘root.’ Pigs root. Hogs root. There are undoubtedly other porcine creatures that root. If, however, I were inclined to cheer—please note the correct verb, young Master Krebs—I would suppress the urge in favor of objectivity.”

“Young Master Krebs,” said the Butler, “I do not ‘root.’ Pigs root. Hogs root. There are undoubtedly other porcine creatures that root. If, however, I were inclined to cheer—please note the correct verb, young Master Krebs—I would suppress the urge in favor of objectivity.”

“Young Master Krebs,” said the Butler, “I do not ‘root.’ Pigs root. Hogs root. There are undoubtedly other porcine creatures that root. If, however, I were inclined to cheer—please note the correct verb, young Master Krebs—I would suppress the urge in favor of objectivity.”

“Young Master Krebs, young Master Singh, marked improvement in both teams. I predict a credible match tomorrow morning, which, though low scoring, will be hard fought, and since there have been more than a few well-known test matches of that description—one recalls the 1999 Cricket World Cup semifinal between Australia and South Africa, for example—we shall do the game proud.”

“One need not deplore everything that comes out of a nation, despite its lamentable politics,” he said.

“It is liable to be blustery on the pitch this morning,” the Butler said.

“Cricket is boring,” said Emily.
The Butler handed her a spoon. “Miss Emily,” he said, “only a dullard would believe such a thing.”

“Suppose I get cold?”
“Then you shall bowl all the more vigorously,” said the Butler.

“I am pleased to see you all wearing your whites,” said the Butler, “and that no one has succumbed to the temptation to wear the pajama kits that have become so fashionable.”

“Both whining about and disagreement with any of our decisions is unseemly and discourteous, and so will not occur on this pitch. Are we all agreed? Good, then...."

“Both whining about and disagreement with any of our decisions is unseemly and discourteous, and so will not occur on this pitch. Are we all agreed? Good, then...."

It will be my responsibility to oversee the coin toss, to monitor the number of runs, to be sure there is no running short—as, Master Briggs, is sometimes your tendency, so be on your guard, for I will call it mercilessly—to signal when the ball is in, to respond to all appeals, and to mark all breaches of discipline—of which there will be none, gentlemen.

Sledging is the act of a fielder—sometimes with good nature, sometimes with aggression—who seeks to distract the batsman through taunts and heckles as the batsman tries to concentrate.

“Shall we oblige?” said the Butler.
And I did.

The success of their team depends upon the interdependency of the two batsmen.

“Young Master Carter,” he breathed, “as I have before observed, one uses one’s connections appropriately and judiciously. Now, Team Britannia has the opportunity to complete its overs—assuming that the good Vice Principal DelBanco can be persuaded to hold himself from instructing his players to storm the field of Longfellow Middle School. So can Team India marshal a creditable attempt at making forty-seven runs to win?”

“Young Master Carter,” he breathed, “as I have before observed, one uses one’s connections appropriately and judiciously. Now, Team Britannia has the opportunity to complete its overs—assuming that the good Vice Principal DelBanco can be persuaded to hold himself from instructing his players to storm the field of Longfellow Middle School. So can Team India marshal a creditable attempt at making forty-seven runs to win?”

“Team India in,” he called. “Team Britannia on the field—with dispatch. Master Krebs, your batsmen require bats. Masters Singh and Jenkins, you’re our bowlers, correct?”

Singh stood with the ball in his hand—not roughing it up, but sort of smiling. I think he could feel vengeance surging in his blood.

For both batsmen and bowlers, milestones should be acknowledged with polite, if subdued dapping.

For both batsmen and bowlers, milestones should be acknowledged with polite, if subdued dapping.

The Butler was gone for almost a month. I mean, a couple of fortnights.

The note he left said he had an important decision to make—“the making of which requires consultation.”

So, my mother took over like a premier bowler. She made a roster, and when she bowled, we paid attention.

So, my mother took over like a premier bowler. She made a roster, and when she bowled, we paid attention.

“I defined for him the qualities of—how shall I say it?—ungentlemanly behavior, in which others are expected to yield to and suffer from the whims of the male line. Then I told him about his son, and his behavior to his sisters, and his support of his mother, and his nobility in the noblest game of all. And I told him that I would be returning to Marysville to witness a rebirth of gentlemanly virtue.”

The very tip of the cricket bat, the toe end is made of untreated wood. Its owner should pay attention to its particular needs as it may deteriorate from dampness.

Charlie wants to see a real Italian ballet. I’m hoping they don’t like ballet in Italy. And Emily wants to spend a day on a gondola in Venice and she wants to row by herself. That would be okay.

Guess where we’ve been going for mass on Sundays again.
The Butler comes too. He likes the architecture of the church. Its central nave, he said, is a credit to its American architect.