"The Inspector-General" by Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol, Act 1

So, as you have your little peccadilloes, you know, like everybody else—you are a sensible man, and you don't let the good things that come your way slip by—" [Stopping] H'm, that's his junk—"I advise you to take precautions, as he may arrive...

If there are a large number, it will instantly be ascribed to bad supervision or incompetent medical treatment.

Yes, and Dobchinsky beckoned to the landlord, Vlas, the innkeeper, you know,—three weeks ago his wife presented him with a baby—a bouncer—he'll grow up just like his father and keep a tavern.—Well, we beckoned to Vlas, and Dobchinsky asked him...

I tell everyone plainly that I take bribes.

Of course, setting up housekeeping is commendable, and there is no reason why a porter shouldn't do it.

If his odor is really a congenital defect, as he says, then there are ways of remedying it.

But please, Ivan Kuzmich, do me the favor, if ever you chance upon a complaint or denunciation, don't hesitate a moment, hold it back.

And if the functionary that has come here asks any of the officials whether they are satisfied, they are to say, "Perfectly satisfied, your Honor"; and if anybody is not satisfied, I'll give him something to be dissatisfied about afterwards.

"Dear friend," he says, "I live in the regions of the Empyrean, lots of girls, bands playing, flags flying."

It's an enviable place.

In those two weeks I have flogged the wife of a non-commissioned officer, the prisoners were not given their rations, the streets are dirty as a pothouse—a scandal, a disgrace!

It's war with the Turks for sure, all fomented by the French.

Your clever man is either a drunkard, or he makes such grimaces that you feel like running away.

So you had better see to it that everything is in order, that the night-caps are clean, and the patients don't go about as they usually do, looking as grimy as blacksmiths.

If there are a large number, it will instantly be ascribed to bad supervision or incompetent medical treatment.

Yes, and Dobchinsky beckoned to the landlord, Vlas, the innkeeper, you know,—three weeks ago his wife presented him with a baby—a bouncer—he'll grow up just like his father and keep a tavern.—Well, we beckoned to Vlas, and Dobchinsky asked him on the quiet, "Who," he asked, "is that young man?"

SCENE I
Anton Antonovich, the Governor, Artemy Filippovich, the Superintendent of Charities, Luka Lukich, the Inspector of Schools, Ammos Fiodorovich, the Judge, Stepan Ilyich, Christian Ivanovich, the Doctor, and two Police Sergeants.

Listen to what he writes: "My dear friend, godfather and benefactor—[He mumbles, glancing rapidly down the page.]—and to let you know"—Ah, that's it—"I hasten to let you know, among other things, that an official has arrived here with instructions to inspect the whole government, and your district especially.

Why, the official who you were notified was coming, the Inspector.

So, as you have your little peccadilloes, you know, like everybody else—you are a sensible man, and you don't let the good things that come your way slip by—" [Stopping] H'm, that's his junk—"I advise you to take precautions, as he may arrive any hour, if he hasn't already, and is not staying somewhere incognito.—Yesterday—"

I had a sort of presentiment of it.

I keep my ears pricked.

You heard the Postmaster was here and so you must prink and prim yourself in front of the mirror—look on this side and that side and all around.

In those two weeks I have flogged the wife of a non-commissioned officer, the prisoners were not given their rations, the streets are dirty as a pothouse—a scandal, a disgrace!

I dare say it was with the best intentions; But I get reprimanded for permitting radical ideas to be instilled in the minds of the young.

It's he, it's he, it's he—why, he's so alert, he scrutinized everything.

You imagine he's smitten with you.

They came in, sniffed, and then went away.—Here's a letter I'll read to you—from Andrey Ivanovich.

At the stall where they sell pies...

Anton Antonovich, the Governor, Artemy Filippovich, the Superintendent of Charities, Luka Lukich, the Inspector of Schools, Ammos Fiodorovich, the Judge, Stepan Ilyich, Christian Ivanovich, the Doctor, and two Police Sergeants.

Something quite unforeseen.