Flora and Ulysses: Chapters 17–27

The Criminal Element gave very specific pointers on how to never, ever be fooled by a criminal, and one of the oft-repeated dictums of The Criminal Element was that the best way to get to know a person was to look him or her directly in the eye.

“I am suffering from a temporary blindness induced by trauma,” said William Spiver.

“I am suffering from a temporary blindness induced by trauma,” said William Spiver.

"I have to tell you that I smell something out of the ordinary, something that is not usually smelled within the confines of the human domestic sphere,” said William Spiver.

"I have to tell you that I smell something out of the ordinary, something that is not usually smelled within the confines of the human domestic sphere,” said William Spiver.

Confronted with the spectacle of William Spiver, they had forgotten about Ulysses.

“He’s rabid, diseased. He’s got to go.”

“Would it trouble you terribly if I put my hand on your shoulder and allowed you to guide me back to Great-Aunt Tootie’s house? The world is a treacherous place when you can’t see.’’

She had envisioned Ulysses fighting crime, criminals, villainy, darkness, treachery; she had imagined him flying (holy bagumba!) through the world with her (Flora Buckman!) at his side.

“Which surprises me, I must say. I feel much, much older than eleven. Also, I know for a fact that I am smaller than your average eleven-year-old. It may even be that I’m shrinking. Excessive trauma can retard growth. I’m not certain, however, if it can cause actual shrinkage.”

The word cryptic popped into Flora’s head. It was preceded by the word unnecessarily.
“Unnecessarily cryptic,” said Flora out loud.

“Are you positing that the squirrel typed those words?”

"Surely you jest,” said William Spiver.

Flora felt a pang of doubt.

The words “Do not hope; instead, observe” flitted through Flora’s brain.

There was a blank screen instead of paper, and the whole contraption glowed, emitting a warm but not entirely friendly smell.

"It means he’s hungry,” she said. “He hasn’t had any breakfast.”
"Oh,” said William Spiver. “I see. It’s literal.”

What if he was a villain whose powers were depleted as soon as the light of the world hit his eyes?

Incandesto was forever being attacked by his arch-nemesis, the Darkness of 10,000 Hands.
Every superhero had an arch-nemesis.
What if Ulysses’s arch-nemesis was William Spiver?

“Put the squirrel in a sack? Hit the squirrel over the head with a shovel?” said Flora’s father in a squeaky, despairing voice. “Oh, Phyllis. Oh, Phyllis, no.”
"Yes,” said Flora’s mother. “It’s the humane thing to do.”

Poetry. He liked the word—its smallness, its density, the way it rose up at the end as if it had wings.

There was a murder to stop, a superhero to mentor, villains to vanquish, darkness to eradicate.

It was an annoying and extremely persistent habit.

“Please excuse me while I escort this extremely disturbed and neurotic child to the other side of the car,” said Tootie.

“Actually, I’m afraid that if I take my glasses off, the whole world will unravel."

“'You, sent out beyond your recall, / go to the limits of your longing. / Embody me. / Flare up like flame / and make big shadows I can move in.’”

Flora looked up and saw William Spiver’s words hanging in the air above him like a small, tattered flag.

TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! had done an extensive piece on what to do if you were stranded at the South Pole.

Their advice could be summed up in three simple words: "Eat seal blubber.”

They would figure out a way to outwit the arch-nemesis!

The Criminal Element said that it was a good idea to engage in relentless, open-ended questioning.

“If you question with enough ferocity, people are sometimes surprised into answering questions that they do not intend to answer. When in doubt, question. Question more. Question faster.”

The Criminal Element advised "stalling, delaying, and obfuscation of every possible sort” when it came to dealing with a criminal.

But he had been enlisted in the service of villainy—basically, he was in cahoots with an arch-nemesis.

Overflowing trash cans, just-cut grass, sun-warmed patches of pavement, the loamy richness of dirt, earthworms (loamy-smelling, too; often difficult to distinguish from the smell of dirt), dog, more dog, dog again...