Marcelo in the Real World: Chapters 6–10

When I force myself to look into her eyes, I am struck by their deep blue color. “Azure” is the word that comes to mind.

Then I stand there mesmerized by the pieces of paper spewing out of the copying machine into a series of slots.

I take the notebook out of my pocket while we’re walking and write down: What is the difference between jealous and envious? The distinction between those two inner states is something that has always confused me.

“Literal?”
“If you used words in accordance with their primary literal meaning, not their metaphorical meaning.”

“‘Cognitive disorder’ is not an accurate description of what happens inside Marcelo’s head. ‘Excessive attempt at cognitive order’ is closer to what actually takes place.”

Some people use the word ‘obsessive’ rather than ‘pervasive.’ But obsessive interest is not the right term. It implies some kind of compulsion or inability to stop the same thoughts and behavior from recurring. At Paterson—that’s the school I attend—we prefer to use the term ‘special or pervasive interest.’ It’s an interest that the person chooses to think about because he gets pleasure and even joy from doing it.

But memorizing train schedules and a facility with numbers are somewhat of a caricature. A lot of AS people have special interests that require complex thinking and understanding.

She’s actually speaking faster than I would have preferred. There are words and phrases that elude me. But one of the things I learned at Paterson was to let people talk even though I don’t understand every single thing I hear. As they go on the meaning becomes clear.

“Oliver Wendell is helping his father with the Vidromek litigation. He’s not here to do dummy work.”

There are so many serious mental illnesses that are referred to as cognitive disorders: dementia, schizophrenia, paranoia, hallucinations (auditory and visual).

Then he said, “By the way, don’t ever call my son names again.” The tone of Arturo’s voice was different than any I had ever heard before. I heard Stephen Holmes chuckle and then say: “Don’t be so touchy, Art.”

I am still angry but the anger is subsiding.

I’ll tell Wendell to take you out to lunch sometime. He can teach you how to profligate and you can teach him how to concentrate.

You can go back to the mailroom and the auspices of your father’s protégée.

You can go back to the mailroom and the auspices of your father’s protégée.

Despite hours of practicing at Paterson, initiating “small talk” is still a formidable challenge for me.

12:30 P.M. COPYING, COLLATING, BINDING
1:30 P.M. WALK OVER TO FEDERAL COURTHOUSE TO FILE DOCUMENTS
2:30 P.M. SCANNING

It’s just that what I feel does not elicit tears. What I feel when others cry is more like a dry, empty aloneness, like I’m the only person left in the world.

Moving around the office with a cart full of mail or paper for the copying and printing machines is my least favorite task. Inevitably someone will say something to me and I have to respond.

I studied small talk at Paterson and have a number of set responses to small talk initiated by others, as well as a number of small talk questions for those times when, for whatever reason, I feel called upon to start the small talk.

I said something or offered to do something that deviated from that expectation.

I look in her face for worry or for anger that I am not working fast enough, but instead I see her look at me in silence without any reproach.

“You timed it?”
“I had to in order to determine my optimum speed.”
“Your optimum speed.”
“At Paterson we call it optimum speed. It means finding the best speed to accomplish a task given who you are. Everyone has one.”

There are people sitting on the sidewalk holding signs like SOBER AND HOMELESS.

Hundreds of people have no problem assimilating different sounds. They walk and talk on cell phones. They dodge cars while having conversations.

Earthy women are well endowed in a motherly, mammary kind of way.

The attraction of man for the Earthy Woman originates from his childlike desire to be possessed, thereby eliciting in the woman the desire to protect.

Elegants are usually on the thin side. Their demeanor is cold and unapproachable. They are extremely conscious of their effect on the male species and wield that knowledge to their advantage.

Wendell snaps out of his reverie and slaps me on the knee.

He sounds solemn and serious.

Elemental beauty is less dependent on physical attributes than the other kinds of beauty.

But there are energy forces within the atom that also make up reality, and beyond that there are forces we are not yet attuned to.

The intonation of my words is mostly the same regardless of what I say, although lately I have been able to raise my voice at the end of a sentence when I am asking a question.

Then I put on the blue shorts with the Yale insignia that Yolanda gave me.

I want to block out the strident music coming from a hundred amplifiers but instead I am drawn to my father’s voice.