Tell Me How You Really Feel: Feeling Sorry?

being ashamed is much like being contrite, remorseful, or repentant: people feel ashamed when they do a bad thing. But shame is a double-edged psychological sword that often has more to do with needless self-hate than honest mistakes.

If you're contrite, you're sincerely apologetic and sorrowful about what you did. When you feel contrite, you're experiencing a state of contrition.

This word has to do with blame, but the deserved or justified kind. This word is often used in legal contexts. If lawyers think you're culpable for some wrong, that's not good, because there's probably a lawsuit on its way. You can tell word is part of the lexicon of guilt by the similarity of culpable to mea culpa.

This Latin borrowing, found in English since the 1200s, has a simple meaning: "I messed up" or, more formally, "I erred and deserve all guilt and responsibility for my error or other transgression." Giving a mea culpa is a way of owning up.

being remorseful — full of remorse — doesn't happen after small goofs, but rather after major transgressions and mistakes. Remorse isn't just guilt or regret; it's deep guilt or regret. Remorse is a powerful feeling that isn't any fun.

To be repentant is to be sincerely sorrowful about something you did. When you're repentant, the last thing you'd say is, "Sorry, not sorry." This is another word with something of a religious connotation: most religions encourage repentance for sins.

The rueful are full of rue, but what the heck is rue? Well, rue is sadness, sorrow, regret, remorse, and other emotions that may make you want to eat an entire thing of Ben & Jerry's. When you're rueful, you're full of somber regret for something you did. Returning a library book a day late might make you feel a little guilty, but probably not rueful.