Sorry, Not Sorry.

I genuinely am a little sorry about that headline, but hopefully it got your attention.

These days, "Sorry, not sorry" is a blunt way to show pride or defiance. It's a punchy, pithy, catchy way of saying, "There's no shame in my game," which is pretty catchy too.

But sometimes your conscience starts acting up, and you really do feel sorry. We all make mistakes, big and little, and there's a large vocabulary of adjectives for when you messed up and you know it. So please don't hang your head in shame because you don't know all these words: here's your chance to atone for your shameful vocabulary.

To learn these words, check out the complete list: Feeling Sorry?

ashamed
Speaking of shame, being ashamed is much like being contrite, remorseful, or repentant: people feel ashamed when they do a bad thing. But shame is a double-edged psychological sword that often has more to do with needless self-hate than honest mistakes. People often feel ashamed about things like their looks, job, family, accent, hair, or even their thoughts. This kind of shame doesn't involve doing something wrong, but rather thinking something is wrong with you. That kind of shame is something the world could use a lot less of, like pollution and jorts.

penitent
Spoiler alert for an old action movie: Maybe skip this paragraph if you're planning to watch 1989's Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade soon. Anyhoo, as part of one of Jones' quests for treasures and relics, he reads an ominous warning: "Only the penitent man shall pass." After some dramatic tension, Jones kneels, which was a good move: his head would've gotten knocked clean off if he'd stayed upright. Kneeling was a penitent move because the penitent are full of remorse and regret, and kneeling is a humble posture, especially in religious contexts, where penitent is often found.

repentant
To be repentant is to be sincerely sorrowful about something you did. When you're repentant, the last thing you'd say is, "Sorry, not sorry." This is another word with something of a religious connotation: most religions encourage repentance for sins. If you want other people to show more self-reflection and regret and remorse, you could make a sign that says, "Repent!"

mea culpa
This Latin borrowing, found in English since the 1200s, has a simple meaning: "I messed up" or, more formally, "I erred and deserve all guilt and responsibility for my error or other transgression." Giving a mea culpa is a way of owning up. When Jon Stewart was host of The Daily Show, he coined a humorous variation: the you-a culpa. When someone makes a you-a culpa, they take the common route of blaming everyone but themselves for their woes.

culpable
This word has to do with blame, but the deserved or justified kind. A sports fan might blame himself for a team's loss because he didn't wear his lucky shirt. But not wearing a lucky shirt is superstition: it doesn't make the fella culpable for the loss. If the quarterback threw five interceptions, he's probably the culpable one. This word is often used in legal contexts. If lawyers think you're culpable for some wrong, that's not good, because there's probably a lawsuit on its way. You can tell word is part of the lexicon of guilt by the similarity of culpable to mea culpa.

contrite
Back in grammar school, I was in a small English class where we were constantly annoying the teacher because we were horrible children, which might be redundant. After any new outburst or misdeed, we would reflexively say, "I'm sorry," but poor Mrs. Clabeaux would retort, "You're not sorry!" In other words, she thought we weren't contrite. If you're contrite, you're sincerely apologetic and sorrowful about what you did. When you feel contrite, you're experiencing a state of contrition.

rueful
The rueful are full of rue, but what the heck is rue? Well, rue is sadness, sorrow, regret, remorse, and other emotions that make me want to eat an entire thing of Ben & Jerry's. When you're rueful, you're full of somber regret for something you did. Returning a library book a day late might make you feel a little guilty, but probably not rueful.

remorseful
Likewise, being remorseful — full of remorse — doesn't happen after small goofs, but rather after major transgressions and mistakes. Remorse isn't just guilt or regret; it's deep guilt or regret. A murderer who has truly repented could be remorseful. If you accidentally left a gate open and your cat or dog escaped, you'd be remorseful. Remorse is a powerful feeling that isn't any fun. I'd rather be bowling than remorseful, and I hate bowling.

I hope you're not sorry to know these words. But if you are, I will show proper contrition and remorse by not writing about this topic for the rest of the year.

Sorry.