The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be: Part Two

by Shannon Gibney
An Educator of the Year of Minnesota State Colleges, the author tells her story of growing up in Michigan as an adoptee by intertwining it with the fictional story of Erin Powers, whom she could've been if she had been raised by her birth mother.

Here are links to our lists for the book: Prologue–Part One, Part Two, Parts Three–Four, Part Five–Afterward
40 words 8 learners

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Full list of words from this list:

words only definitions & notes
  1. ancillary
    furnishing added support
    Knowledge of an origin story or family health history are also seen as ancillary to a child’s stability and security in the way that adoption has been practiced historically—and in how it is still practiced today.
  2. vehemence
    intensity or forcefulness of expression
    “Mom, I’m serious!” the girl exclaims, with the vehemence of an eight-year-old.
  3. prototype
    the first functional model of some new design or product
    “I could be a new prototype. Designed by someone in an alternate universe. Another timeline or something. Another dimension. And I could have a chip in my brain making me say and do everything I say and do. Making me think—and you, and Dad, and Jon, and Ben—that I am the real Shannon Gibney. When all along I am really just a fake. And you would never know it.”
  4. periphery
    the outside boundary or surface of something
    The girl works to focus on her mother and her words, but it is hard, with the light in the woods on the periphery of her sights.
  5. discern
    perceive, recognize, or detect
    The girl forces herself to pay attention to her mother, although what she wants more than anything is to run to the woods and seek out the light. To see where it’s coming from, and perhaps discern its meaning.
  6. diminish
    decrease in size, extent, or range
    The light is now gone, has diminished completely.
  7. quirky
    strikingly unconventional
    Here she is, the quirky, funny, smart, oddball little mixed Black girl in their family.
  8. paradigm
    a standard or typical example
    Blending in is always best in the Gibney paradigm, although I always seem to have the most trouble doing that.
  9. revelation
    an enlightening or astonishing disclosure
    “Did you watch Robotech? The whole protoculture revelation? That blew my mind.”
  10. progressive
    favoring or promoting modern or innovative ideas
    It is called an “open” public school and is an experiment in progressive pedagogy.
  11. pedagogy
    the activities of educating or instructing
    It is called an “open” public school and is an experiment in progressive pedagogy. Kids do not sit in rows and listen to boring math lessons, like they did at their other school. They do not all read the same book that no one really likes and then sit around and talk about the main idea.
  12. formidable
    extremely impressive in strength or excellence
    He stands as if at attention, nibbling each pellet with his formidable front teeth.
  13. paraphernalia
    equipment consisting of miscellaneous articles
    Shannon takes the tack and slowly brings it toward a small plastic blue cup, which contains rubber bands, eraser tips for pencils, paper clips, and other paraphernalia.
  14. amicably
    in a friendly manner
    “Hey, Shannon,” Ellen says amicably. She is the nicest of the three of them. We might even be friends if the other two weren’t constantly around.
  15. errant
    moving in an uncontrolled, irregular, or unpredictable way
    “It’s already all messed up anyway. Look.” She grabs the errant branch and throws it toward the rest of the towering trees that create a kind of cave around them.
  16. modest
    not large but sufficient in size or amount
    The sliding glass door and the shuttered windows of our modest home look strange to my suddenly feral eyes, and only become familiar to me again once I am back on our safe, green lawn.
  17. perceptible
    capable of being grasped by the mind or senses
    It’s a high-pitched noise that is barely perceptible.
  18. languidly
    in a lethargic manner
    A stray leaf from a birch above languidly rides the air down, and lands where the spiral was.
  19. digest
    arrange and integrate in the mind
    He nods slowly, digesting my words. Not completely trusting me, because he knows there is a catch.
  20. relent
    give in, as to influence or pressure
    If I press him long enough, I know I will get my way.
    He finally relents, and meets my glance.
  21. placate
    cause to be more favorably inclined
    “Dad, can I go?” Shannon asks in a small voice, hoping to placate her father.
  22. bode
    indicate by signs
    He is mowing the lawn and obviously overheated, all of which does not bode well for his answer.
  23. pliable
    susceptible to being led or directed
    She wishes her mother were home, because she is far more pliable with requests like this, but she left early that morning for a long shift at the hospital.
  24. resent
    feel bitter or indignant about
    My parents have always liked Bobbi but resent the amount of time I spend at her house.
  25. ideal
    a principle or value that one hopes to attain or conform to
    They subscribe wholeheartedly to the solidly Midwestern ideal of the nuclear family being the solid unit of intimacy in all communities—something which will rankle and trouble our relationship in the decades to come.
  26. rankle
    make resentful or angry
    They subscribe wholeheartedly to the solidly Midwestern ideal of the nuclear family being the solid unit of intimacy in all communities—something which will rankle and trouble our relationship in the decades to come.
  27. devise
    come up with after a mental effort
    She wants to tell her father how she and Bobbi have devised a game in which one person collects a bunch of invisible underwater gnomes and the other has to stack them carefully into some kind of pattern and then give clues to the other about what kind of pattern it is.
  28. imperative
    requiring attention or action
    She searches to find the words to explain that they promised each other they would go back and conclude the game after lunch, that it is imperative lest the gnomes disintegrate into the water, but the words elude me.
  29. roil
    be agitated
    The knot in her throat moves down into her stomach and begins to roil.
  30. oblivious
    lacking conscious awareness of
    I turn around and stare at my father, hatefully. He is still pushing the mower back and forth across the lawn, breathing heavily and deliberately, it seems to me, oblivious to my anger.
  31. neonatal
    relating to the infant during the first month after birth
    Mom fixes her tired blue eyes on me, and I see tiny wisps of blond hair that have escaped her ponytail sometime during her twelve-hour shift at the neonatal intensive care unit.
  32. stifle
    smother or suppress
    “Look, can we go in now? This is embarrassing.”
    I stifle a guffaw.
  33. conscience
    a feeling of shame when you do something immoral
    I know for sure I don’t hate my family; I love them. And the look Mom is giving me now... Why would I ever want that on my conscience?
  34. elide
    omit or strike out
    But the big secret about the song is that it purposefully elides the most interesting part of our names, the curious detail that cemented our best friendship when we first met on this street when we were six: We share a middle name.
  35. adamant
    impervious to pleas, persuasion, requests, or reason
    She is adamant about her distaste for the name and has gone by “Bobbi” since she could speak.
  36. aversion
    a feeling of intense dislike
    Like each of us, she is a co-creation of her own personal wants, desires, aversions and histories, and her parents’.
  37. bureaucratic
    of or relating to unnecessary procedures and red tape
    And Essie feels it, the dull cut of bureaucratic words that are just “policy” to a government worker, but razor-sharp to an unacknowledged and maybe even unknown daughter searching for her father.
  38. welter
    a confused multitude of things
    Essie’s own family is a welter of uncles and aunts and cousins, coming and going from Mexico and New York and various places between, along with her five siblings and constantly-in-motion parents.
  39. proliferate
    grow rapidly
    She squints in the mirror, inspecting her skin, which looks good except for some blackheads that seem to be proliferating on her nose.
  40. contract
    become smaller or draw together
    She steps about a foot away from the mirror so she can get a full view of the spiral. It is starting to expand and contract, expand and contract.
Created on Wed May 22 08:45:14 EDT 2024 (updated Wed May 22 15:15:46 EDT 2024)

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