For Black Girls Like Me: Part III

Before the light creeps in. Eve and I take turns looking for eggs. Dumping the compost.

One who displays a maternal softness or attentiveness

Eve’s hoping to get the role of Katherina in this fall’s youth production of The Taming of the Shrew. If we were speaking I’d tell her that role is perfect for her. Since she’s so grumpy and mean all the time.

“If I be waspish best beware my sting!” Eve says in a shrill and exaggerated tone.

“If I BE waspish BEST beware my STING!” she says again. This time accenting different syllables.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?....A flat minor.

“Cut it out Eve. Mental illness is nothing to joke about. You should know that. I don’t want to hear any of that EVER again. Have some empathy why don’t you!”

So Papa turns on Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony and maxes out the speaker volume. We drive the rest of the way like this. Eve’s headphones blaring. The Volvo’s sound system blaring back.

“Bipolar can affect how a person feels acts and thinks. It’s an illness of the brain. It affects everyone differently. But there are two general moods that happen to a person with bipolar disorder.”

“This is when your mother feels like everything is great. She might have a ton of energy. Her thoughts race and she has a lot of new ideas and might start projects. Spend money. She can be really happy one moment but also very irritable the next. She can also do things that are dangerous because she may feel like she can do anything.”

“I was most likely manic that day. I didn’t really think about what I was doing.”

Bipolar is something that shows up later in life. Far from now. And when you know the signs and what to look for it is very treatable and manageable.

Bipolar is hereditary in our family, I repeat in my head. Freckles are hereditary in our family. And I can’t stop thinking of all the new ways I do and do not belong.

(Jojo is technically mixed. Black dad. White mom.)

He’s reading a plaque by the front entrance.

Mr. John makes us write a list of questions and reflections. Then he facilitates a short discussion about what we saw.

You are my kin
My kind
My kin inside and out
A sister-friend

I try pulling Mama up but she flails and falls again.

And Papa is giggling as well. Making faces at her. And joking about how slow she is. Even though he too flinches every time Mama slams the puck back to his side.

Mama laughs. “No. No. Piano is still mandatory. This would be in addition. I think maybe it’s time to get you some formal training. Would you like that?”