The Astonishing Color of After: Chapters 67–87

by Emily X.R. Pan
After her mother's death, Leigh travels to Taiwan, where she tries to piece together her family history while also coming to terms with her grief.

Here are links to our lists for the novel: Chapters 1–21, Chapters 22–44, Chapters 45–66, Chapters 67–87, Chapters 88–108
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Full list of words from this list:

words only definitions & notes
  1. gossamer
    a gauze fabric with an extremely fine texture
    Caro popped the trunk to pull out lights and tripods and swaths of gossamer.
  2. copse
    a dense growth of trees, shrubs, or bushes
    Caro led us into a dark copse of trees where the hawks were always flying in and out, and we could hear the gurgling of water.
  3. sylph
    an elemental being believed to inhabit the air
    We looked on as Cheslin became a goddess, a sylph, a creature of resurrection.
  4. crude
    conspicuously and tastelessly indecent
    That surprised me. The crudeness of it seemed unlike him.
  5. erratic
    having no fixed course
    "Leigh!" Her voice frantic. Her flapping erratic.
  6. insurmountable
    impossible to overcome
    My broken Chinese feels like an insurmountable wall. I finish with “zhao ta,'' praying I got the tones right, hoping that the idea gets across.
  7. gnarled
    old and twisted and covered in lines
    Her gnarled fingers find the head of the bracelet, where the guru bead is tied off by an elaborate looping knot.
  8. laden
    filled with a great quantity
    In the next alley, a large family has set up a line of tables, laden with tall red candles and freshly cooked food.
  9. chide
    scold or reprimand severely or angrily
    The mother at the next table over chides her toddler, who's knocked over a bowl.
  10. tethered
    confined or restricted with or as if with a rope or chain
    "It just makes me think about the few threads left that keep me tethered to them. I take a lot of comfort in seeing the Ghost Month offerings—it always helps me feel like there's still that connection to my family. You know, because ghosts are still here.”
  11. meander
    move or cause to move in a winding or curving course
    We spent summer afternoons meandering through the woods, finding new stuff to get down on paper.
  12. concede
    admit or acknowledge, often reluctantly
    “I'm not afraid,” I shot back with so much contempt even I had to concede it was a lie.
  13. coda
    the closing section of a musical composition
    “So we do this epic run through the coda—it's the first time this piece has gone at all smoothly—"
  14. slate
    thin layers of rock used for roofing
    And when we finally get to the Chinese Culture University, to the music building with its slate eaves and pagoda-style rooftops, we climb up to the fifth floor, to all the practice rooms where my mother must've sat and trained for hours.
  15. pagoda
    an Asian temple
    And when we finally get to the Chinese Culture University, to the music building with its slate eaves and pagoda-style rooftops, we climb up to the fifth floor, to all the practice rooms where my mother must've sat and trained for hours.
  16. ashen
    pale from illness or emotion
    Waipo steps out, her eyes bleary, her face ashen.
  17. aneurysm
    an abnormal bulge caused by weakening of an artery wall
    "An aneurysm," says Waigong. His voice is low and hoarse.
    "She had symptoms," Waipo adds. "Nausea. Headaches. But she thought it was only a virus."
  18. overbearing
    expecting unquestioning obedience
    And my grandparents—I never realized they had such strong feelings about who my mother loved. It's hard to imagine them so stern, so overbearing.
  19. amble
    walk leisurely
    Here and there we see a collarless dog ambling along the side of the road, a stray cat perched on a low wall, another one curled up on an awning.
  20. pensive
    showing deep sadness
    Careful not to get anything wet, I turn to a fresh page in my sketchbook and start a portrait of my grandmother. Her faraway, wistful eyes. Thin, pensive lips.
  21. bangle
    jewelry worn around the wrist for decoration
    Fat wooden beads and a glassy jade bangle knocking together on her wrist.
  22. befall
    happen or be the case in the course of events or by chance
    If I could see you in a year,
    I’d wind the months in balls,
    And put them each in separate drawers,
    Until their time befalls.
  23. profound
    showing intellectual penetration or emotional depth
    “None of it's good enough. I can't just keep doing these weird, surreal, sketchy...things. If I want to get into the show, I need to send in pieces that are more...”
    “Profound?” he offered.
    “Yes! Exactly. Profound and, like, more polished.”
  24. pretentious
    intended to attract notice and impress others
    “Polished just takes time. But I'm not sure you can really try to be profound. I think that's how you end up doing...pretentious hipster crap.”
  25. botch
    make a mess of, destroy, or ruin
    "You know how I feel about that. I’m not practiced enough. I’ll botch it."
  26. wry
    humorously sarcastic or mocking
    His face cracked into a wry grin.
  27. inadvertent
    happening by chance or unexpectedly or unintentionally
    I lay in bed, my fingers retracing the places on my body where he'd made inadvertent contact.
  28. tantalizing
    arousing desire or expectation for something unattainable
    The tantalizing heat of his body as we almost spooned, that inch-thick layer of nothingness crackling between us.
  29. julienne
    cut into long thin strips
    How I wish I could rewind to one of those days and step up beside her as she julienned peppers, as she drained the water from a glassy pile of mung bean noodles, as she stirred a pot of soup.
  30. gradient
    a graded change in the magnitude of something
    My mother cradles her belly, imagines her child floating in the hollow of a conch shell, bathing in gradients of sunrise.
  31. gouache
    an opaque watercolor prepared with gum
    I got an amazing set of high-end gouache paints that I'd been eyeing for forever.
  32. flourish
    an ornamental embellishment in writing
    The flourish of a signature had been added below that, barely readable but for the sharp edges of the Roman numeral, IV.
  33. glean
    gather, as of natural products
    He looked all around the room, as if there were answers to be gleaned from the air.
  34. askew
    turned or twisted to one side
    In the basement, the boxes were exactly how we'd left them, open and askew.
  35. dredge up
    bring to mind something unpleasant from the past
    And then my brain is going there, dredging up those recent months again, churning them to the surface, remembering.
Created on Tue Jan 08 14:15:02 EST 2019 (updated Thu Jan 10 14:19:49 EST 2019)

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